That was Horrible
Good Morning,
“That was one of the worst calls I’ve ever heard”.
I’ve been reading a very practical book by Chris Voss entitled, “Never Split the Difference – Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on it”. Voss spent decades as a chief hostage negotiator for the FBI. He traveled the globe leading high risk, high reward negotiations with “bad guys”. He now teaches grad-level negotiating classes as well as speaking and consulting with individuals and businesses around the world. He is acknowledged as one of today’s preeminent authorities on the subject.
Early in Voss’ career he encountered a situation that if he had handled it differently, would likely have diminished if not derailed his negotiating career
altogether. He was trying to build some skills as a volunteer at a suicide hotline. When the time came to have his proficiency reviewed, his supervisor listened in on one of Chris’ calls. As Chris engaged the caller, he felt more and more confident that he had knocked this one out of the park. The caller even complimented him on how well he had done. At the close of the call Chris went into the supervisor’s office expecting a great review. Instead, he was met with the sobering words above, “That was one of the worst calls I’ve ever heard”. In short, “That was horrible.”
It is what Chris did next that saved the day and launched a brilliant career. Instead of becoming defensive, angry and bitter he accepted the words in humility and with their constructive intent. He began studying, asking questions, reading and practicing. Before long, he was teaching classes for new volunteers.
The bible speaks to the value of heeding helpful feedback. Proverbs says that those who listen to correction are wise. Those who ignore it are not. We rarely grow and improve without the feedback of others who care about us. And frequently, the feedback is tough to hear. The temptation can be to argue with the other person and deny any validity of what they say. But Scripture counsels that a posture of denial and defensiveness brings us harm. We stay stuck and ineffectual.
True, this posture is not easy. It goes against our natural human nature. But we do have a choice and it can be the choice to listen, receive and learn from the observations of caring companions. It is a difficult, but wise choice.
If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise.
If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding. Proverbs 15:31-32
Live on purpose,
Ron Klopfenstein
